Grandfather clock heart
Had high hopes today . . . that they were dashed unceremoniously hasn't quite fully settled in.
There seems to be a party going on a floor or two below--drunken screaming for the last 3 hours . . . my roommate was screaming at his TV most of the night before that, apparently stubbornly refusing to give up finishing a Call of Duty 4 challenge or something. And, since about 15 minutes ago, my neighbor has turned his music on. I am trapped by noise when silence would be most useful.
I'm still not really sure what I'm trying to do, attempting to meet up with a girl I met two years ago. The last time I spoke with her at length she told me she had recently become engaged--last Fall. I ran into her in the English building about three weeks ago, and have been trying to set up an hour or so to hear how she's doing.
It's really starting to feel like she's avoiding me . . . but it's not even worth thinking to the point of coming up with negative conclusions. I saw her inbetween classes Tuesday, and we agreed to meet this evening.
She didn't answer her phone.
I don't like that it's affecting me . . . I don't like that, when distracted away from my escapes, I keep wondering if she was sincere on Tuesday . . . it's a minor uncertainty . . .
that I would want to be friends if she would put forth the least effort--that, in the hopeless chance (& selfish thought) that I could start a . . . I keep backing myself into this thought. I'd just like to know for sure, at this point, if this is one-sided . . .
All of this doubly compounded by the constant thought that I have no good reason to worry over any of this.
There seems to be a party going on a floor or two below--drunken screaming for the last 3 hours . . . my roommate was screaming at his TV most of the night before that, apparently stubbornly refusing to give up finishing a Call of Duty 4 challenge or something. And, since about 15 minutes ago, my neighbor has turned his music on. I am trapped by noise when silence would be most useful.
I'm still not really sure what I'm trying to do, attempting to meet up with a girl I met two years ago. The last time I spoke with her at length she told me she had recently become engaged--last Fall. I ran into her in the English building about three weeks ago, and have been trying to set up an hour or so to hear how she's doing.
It's really starting to feel like she's avoiding me . . . but it's not even worth thinking to the point of coming up with negative conclusions. I saw her inbetween classes Tuesday, and we agreed to meet this evening.
She didn't answer her phone.
I don't like that it's affecting me . . . I don't like that, when distracted away from my escapes, I keep wondering if she was sincere on Tuesday . . . it's a minor uncertainty . . .
that I would want to be friends if she would put forth the least effort--that, in the hopeless chance (& selfish thought) that I could start a . . . I keep backing myself into this thought. I'd just like to know for sure, at this point, if this is one-sided . . .
All of this doubly compounded by the constant thought that I have no good reason to worry over any of this.
posted by SJ at 11/15/2007 11:34:00 PM
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