static

Since 2PM yesterday I've seen 12 documentaries (over two nights as part of the Reality Bytes festival), saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on a silver screen for the first time, saw Vantage Point at the local cheap theater, as well as attended half a book signing and a poetry reading in the HSC Sky Room. I skipped a lecture Wednesday with the expectation that I'd hopefully make it to half of these things . . . and here, although I ended up missing the latter half of the book signing, I managed to make it out everywhere I wanted to.

Then why do I feel so dangerously without ballast right now? Why are deeply nihilistic thoughts laying siege every ten minutes?

Perhaps because there were moments at each of these events where it was too tangible that I could have taken a moment to introduce myself to a variety of potentially interesting people, and then that I kept to myself entirely (well, not at the mainstream screenings--but then only socialized with people i already trust).

I'm pretty low right now . . . beginning to consider more seriously trying out the psychological services on campus. I am thriving in my creative classes, but am struggling unsuccessfully to find the smallest motivation for my other classes . . . i can't remember it every being this hard before.

i'm beginning to worry that i could be setting myself up for failure in a very bad way . . . behold the fallibilities of the human mind . . .