I must try to keep my focus and I know that...
When I rose from bed this morning, I felt rested--well rested. Like I haven't felt in weeks. It was a peaceful feeling... a success.
I am back home today--came home yesterday evening, though all I did last night was watch Futurama, Full Metal Alchemist, and Ghost in the Shell on Cartoon Network before attempting (and finally succeeding) in rest.
And I had an incredible set of dreams... at least five of them. Details faded rather quickly for most of them, but... well, here:
I can't recall the very beginning of the first dream very well... for some reason I went to a movie with my brother or something. But then I was at someone's house... a familiar house, but not mine, my friends were there, and so, again, was my brother. Here's the key: my brother's fling and her younger sister were also there. Brother and fling had a falling out, but fling's sister (at most points, oddly faceless... more on that below) decided to make a move on me, and since brother and fling had their falling out (and fling's sister was rather attractive... good names, eh?) I went for it.
Next scene her and I were at some sort of bootleg store, looking through games and movies selling at less than $5 each. Aside from the room and my company, it wasn't the least bit exceptional--the room struck me as being kind of like a church... but so heavily modified into an illegal den of black-market goods it was hardly recognizable.
That dream ended. But I can't remember, right now, a single detail of my second dream--except that I was alone on a tropical island, somehow leaping from jungle treetop to jungle treetop...
Dream 3 saw me with my family on a golf course--a pirate golf course (though the pirate part wasn't readily evident). My grandma was there... but anyways, eventually we came to a part of the course that had at least two holes, but one was on an island that was, "a wasteland," according to my caddy that had a bunch of other holes that wouldn't count. We called the island, Magyar. My brother took his shot first, launching a golf ball half way down the "normal" course. Next my grandma shot, and did just a little better. Then my dad (with a mustache... which he hasn't had in years) shot, and ended up banking his ball (if that's the right term) right into a tree branch--the ball landed maybe twenty feet in front of us.
A few curses later and I was up. My caddy suggested I try getting to Magyar--she promised it would be an excellent idea. So I tried, and, much to my family's surprise, I succeeded. So we trekked out to the wasteland and discovered it to be a dark, rocky land filled with flags. Only one flag was placed at the right hole, and only that one would count. But that wasn't the point--my caddy was the same faceless romantic from my first dream. Her background was slightly different, but she was otherwise the same.
The fourth dream was also lost to the nether--but I think it was another solitary one.
And the fifth dream, in location, was by far the most boring--I was back in the highschool, as my current self. Visiting at the end of this school year. But she appeared again--introduced herself, and made her move.
It would be less spectacular if my dreams co-starred people I've never met (never even seen), but this was the first (and second, and third) time in many months--I think maybe since September, 2003. And even then, they weren't as ethereal--they had their faces.
This girl had faces, too... but only sometimes. I call her faceless because I knew, somehow, that I've never met her in reality. But it felt like she exists... faces of attractive vain women I've passed by over the last few months would become her, but they were all slightly wrong. Her figure stayed more or less the same, and, in truth, the faces that she cycled through were largely similar, but...
well, it feels like there's something important in all of it. Aside from the useless structure and form I used writing it. Like maybe Splashdown is causing me to grasp that resolution most in this society call "moving on."
Whether yes or no, I still find myself unfocused in regards to the workload I brought home with me, and still need (want) to write a reply to Mr. Rossi. Not getting sleep last week took a huge toll on my work ethic--waking up rested, finally, I understand just how high my fatigue was building. And I'm walking right back into it tomorrow.
I need resolution... whether its dropping another two or three classes and commuting, staying on campus for three days a week, whether its withdrawing in full, or whether its getting lucky and having an opportunity to move to a better environment, resolution must come by next Friday. Otherwise, I'm going to come out of my second semester with the lowest grade record I've had.
It's the unfocused...
I am back home today--came home yesterday evening, though all I did last night was watch Futurama, Full Metal Alchemist, and Ghost in the Shell on Cartoon Network before attempting (and finally succeeding) in rest.
And I had an incredible set of dreams... at least five of them. Details faded rather quickly for most of them, but... well, here:
I can't recall the very beginning of the first dream very well... for some reason I went to a movie with my brother or something. But then I was at someone's house... a familiar house, but not mine, my friends were there, and so, again, was my brother. Here's the key: my brother's fling and her younger sister were also there. Brother and fling had a falling out, but fling's sister (at most points, oddly faceless... more on that below) decided to make a move on me, and since brother and fling had their falling out (and fling's sister was rather attractive... good names, eh?) I went for it.
Next scene her and I were at some sort of bootleg store, looking through games and movies selling at less than $5 each. Aside from the room and my company, it wasn't the least bit exceptional--the room struck me as being kind of like a church... but so heavily modified into an illegal den of black-market goods it was hardly recognizable.
That dream ended. But I can't remember, right now, a single detail of my second dream--except that I was alone on a tropical island, somehow leaping from jungle treetop to jungle treetop...
Dream 3 saw me with my family on a golf course--a pirate golf course (though the pirate part wasn't readily evident). My grandma was there... but anyways, eventually we came to a part of the course that had at least two holes, but one was on an island that was, "a wasteland," according to my caddy that had a bunch of other holes that wouldn't count. We called the island, Magyar. My brother took his shot first, launching a golf ball half way down the "normal" course. Next my grandma shot, and did just a little better. Then my dad (with a mustache... which he hasn't had in years) shot, and ended up banking his ball (if that's the right term) right into a tree branch--the ball landed maybe twenty feet in front of us.
A few curses later and I was up. My caddy suggested I try getting to Magyar--she promised it would be an excellent idea. So I tried, and, much to my family's surprise, I succeeded. So we trekked out to the wasteland and discovered it to be a dark, rocky land filled with flags. Only one flag was placed at the right hole, and only that one would count. But that wasn't the point--my caddy was the same faceless romantic from my first dream. Her background was slightly different, but she was otherwise the same.
The fourth dream was also lost to the nether--but I think it was another solitary one.
And the fifth dream, in location, was by far the most boring--I was back in the highschool, as my current self. Visiting at the end of this school year. But she appeared again--introduced herself, and made her move.
It would be less spectacular if my dreams co-starred people I've never met (never even seen), but this was the first (and second, and third) time in many months--I think maybe since September, 2003. And even then, they weren't as ethereal--they had their faces.
This girl had faces, too... but only sometimes. I call her faceless because I knew, somehow, that I've never met her in reality. But it felt like she exists... faces of attractive vain women I've passed by over the last few months would become her, but they were all slightly wrong. Her figure stayed more or less the same, and, in truth, the faces that she cycled through were largely similar, but...
well, it feels like there's something important in all of it. Aside from the useless structure and form I used writing it. Like maybe Splashdown is causing me to grasp that resolution most in this society call "moving on."
Whether yes or no, I still find myself unfocused in regards to the workload I brought home with me, and still need (want) to write a reply to Mr. Rossi. Not getting sleep last week took a huge toll on my work ethic--waking up rested, finally, I understand just how high my fatigue was building. And I'm walking right back into it tomorrow.
I need resolution... whether its dropping another two or three classes and commuting, staying on campus for three days a week, whether its withdrawing in full, or whether its getting lucky and having an opportunity to move to a better environment, resolution must come by next Friday. Otherwise, I'm going to come out of my second semester with the lowest grade record I've had.
It's the unfocused...
posted by SJ at 3/27/2005 01:53:00 PM
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