Sunday, April 27, 2008

The Digital Era

Every now and then I wonder about the meticulous advances made as Internet usage becomes a standard occurrence around the world--how things have been revolutionized, and how archaic structures have been changing to try retaining elder powers.

Apparently one of the largest ISPs in the UK is unabashedly planning to force upon its users a system in which content is delivered according to something along the line of premiums: websites that could run through the service but refuse to accommodate would be delivered slower than those that sign on. There's an initiative dubbing this a problem of "net neutrality."

The specific issue makes me think of wider contexts of what could be labeled "net neutrality"--particularly about how, as the Internet has become easier to use by less-sophisticated audiences, a number of problems have come about that require careful solutions. For instance, in my mind right now, problems with illegal practices--and therein, what even constitutes a practice as being 'illegal' on the Internet?

Simple solutions, and I realize I'm considering more than a dozen distinct problems at once, would be to fast-track judicial systems to deem what is and is not illegal, and how to prosecute. The problem therein is that only the unsophisticated Internet users will be caught--but then, it occurs to me that this is a problem with most criminality.

Thus, I widen the scope further: what is the right balance of focus in policing minor criminal activity versus more problematic, but also more difficult to curtail, criminal activity? I think it's obvious that there will be, regardless of the scope we're looking at, a set of easy-to-define crimes that the world is better off punishing those who carry them out--but I wonder if it's worth it to spend any resources on rounding up minimum-damage crimes.

In this context, I am thinking of the unsophisticated young Internet user, perhaps on a college campus, who downloads music files illegally.

But the issue that has brought these other issues to mind looks like something more like that largest-scale criminal act that problematically skews the line between profit-seeking and actual criminal practice. Is it criminal for an ISP that delivers service to 3.5million users to deliver its content in a 'non-neutral' manner? It's certainly a problem: the wealthy become wealthier, and the poor are more likely to remain poor . . .

I think it depends on the goal of the Internet: if it is to be a world-wide tool that makes the transfer of information more efficient than other methods, rather than to be a mish-mash of region-specific commerce communities seeking maximum possible profits, then this 'net neutrality' thing looks like a promising cause. The pessimist in me wonders if it's already too late to curtail the precedent--more money is to be made, so more money will be made . . . but the basic principle of Internet anonymity, for good and ill, leaves me hoping that this space remains, for as long as possible, a place where region, economic standing, gender, age, and anything else that one can use to discriminate don't matter.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The moon bearing down--not eternally

I have learned lessons this week--some that I may never willingly share . . .

Looking ahead at the next nine months leaves me wondering how I'll put up with the necessary monotony. I want to flourish right now--I want to breathe fiercely, tasting the iron in blood. I don't want to wait . . . descending, evermore, in the violent circles of self-doubt that comes after all those subtle rejections.

I'm beginning to worry about my financial stability, perhaps moving a step closer to accepting the thralldom modern humans must accept to achieve that slightest drip of fulfilled dreaming. I am starting to reserve alongside fate: I will have to work, or I will be stunned by heroics from unknown sources.

The lessons this week have desanctified for me the heights of some previously structured ideals. The pedestal has cracked, and tilts into its final moments--there are no angels, there are only the fallible and free-willed.

The fires within me eviscerate a weeded, overgrown forest. This is cleansing. This turmoil is resolution: letting go of ancient clutter, to make room for more of the unknown.

I was creatively productive last weekend--and this weekend I have learned important, secret lessons.

I can hardly believe how near June whispers . . .

Sunday, April 13, 2008

consequence

wanting to fade--
because my expectations continue leading only to disappointments . . .

I wonder if it's more like blinking,
being able to forget . . .

I am tempted, very strongly, toward nihilism--
that every human effort is ultimately meaningless,
and that those who invest in simplicity and easy answers are "right."

Desire, convention, the blinking mass . . .
disembodiment
thrilled only by imagined vapors.

I want fire
because I know my ways are better,
and that they will never be accepted outside myself before I die.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

static

Since 2PM yesterday I've seen 12 documentaries (over two nights as part of the Reality Bytes festival), saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory on a silver screen for the first time, saw Vantage Point at the local cheap theater, as well as attended half a book signing and a poetry reading in the HSC Sky Room. I skipped a lecture Wednesday with the expectation that I'd hopefully make it to half of these things . . . and here, although I ended up missing the latter half of the book signing, I managed to make it out everywhere I wanted to.

Then why do I feel so dangerously without ballast right now? Why are deeply nihilistic thoughts laying siege every ten minutes?

Perhaps because there were moments at each of these events where it was too tangible that I could have taken a moment to introduce myself to a variety of potentially interesting people, and then that I kept to myself entirely (well, not at the mainstream screenings--but then only socialized with people i already trust).

I'm pretty low right now . . . beginning to consider more seriously trying out the psychological services on campus. I am thriving in my creative classes, but am struggling unsuccessfully to find the smallest motivation for my other classes . . . i can't remember it every being this hard before.

i'm beginning to worry that i could be setting myself up for failure in a very bad way . . . behold the fallibilities of the human mind . . .