Sunday, May 29, 2005

unimpressive

Another weekend spent in other peoples' worlds, reading the words of strangers.

Allegedly, this is the last year America will run as it has before the global oil-market begins its one-way collapse proving that natural resources really do run out. A 30-year-old who wrote the darthside blog is lost in his success, uninspired by his current decent job and unsure if he should pursue writing. The GLS (gaming and learning in society) conference will be in Madison, Wisconsin where Brian Green will speak on the "death of videogames"--but registration is about $380 with one night hotel stay. Aiha Higurashi's first solo album, Born Beautiful, is mostly outstanding. Supercar performed their last concert ever (probably) right around the day I woke up in a hospital last February. I watched episodes 1-8 of Scrapped Princess with Seth, Ben, and Jordan, and plan on watching a few more episodes starting in about an hour.

If I have not actively worked to push myself toward either writing or filming by this time next weekend, I am more of a failure than people tell me. Lack of motivation isn't an excuse...

I'll confide to the entire world what I've been praying might happen this summer: finding a new girl, one that respects me and that I respect, to fall in love with. Very generic, normal lonely-young-adult stuff, as I continue preaching the power of learning to live happily in loneliness.

There's some kind of destiny here--some kind of fate...

Thursday, May 26, 2005

For reasons that are never clear

dragonfort underwent a major upgrade with no pre-notification, and thus i have lost a single index page. Oh, and this post will largely be in limbo until I figure out what happened to one of my passwords... but upgrades are for betterment.

With even my minimal experience of five 8-hour days of data entry, I find it easier to contemplate how dreams are so usually crushed. It's easy to conform, once you begin. Stay focused on one thing on a time, leaving nothing extraneuos to ride home to, and one is caught in an unending pattern of quotae. Temperance becomes easier.

I have been wondering if, perhaps, I've some kind of rare mutant DNA strand: one that derives in my conscious a pure form of misanthropism. That I still yearn to crush the system that I am finally experiencing isn't, in its day-to-day practise, too evil. Misanthropy because the system is about people--and I hate the system regardless of how well it has served a mostly-peaceful homeland society.

Jumping about three-quarters across the Atlantic ocean has a good chance of helping. I am assuming that Icelanders are different than the average American, which is likely to prove a grave error; however, misguided hope is yet better than hopelessness so long as the guiding light is founded from within.

...

ideas are culminating. Combine Plan E with the Suicide Dive derived from the Common Dream, and I might have a successful story. The trick is in filling interrim elements: I have a beginning, a middle, and an end, but have not yet found a solution to bridge between the parts.

I still have some time left this summer, don't I?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

there she goes she's flying off to nowhere

Finding solace only in my own soul at my new job...

thinking, wondering in a wanderlust I've been perfecting now for years.

I gave Melissa Kaplan's first solo album (Universal Hall Pass - Mercury) another chance, and it turns out it's incredible music to listen to so long as you aren't running to class (this was the initial problem). Well, except for "Outro" which is the one song without lyric.

This morning a dream I successfully commited to memory, and one I would not have had if I went to work: Final Fantasy 2/4j remake.

It was 3d, but the characters and enemies were true remnants and homages to their original 16x16 2d selves. There were two modes: the original adventure, and an online MMORPG-style thing. Both offered multiplayer, oddly enough, and I was part of the initial server kick-off along with Elon, Frigo, Seth, and Ben.

The initial Baron Castle hub was very unfamiliar--the textures and walls reminisced of the original, but the layout fitted a more community-style. Beautiful particle-effect fireworks outside windows and visible from a roofless atrium--followed by a siege of sorts that seemed to kick off the MMORPG storyline. The sound effects were ripped from the game--explosions dull sounds, thankfully. It was fantastic.

My mind faltered in the dream-realm at this point--I remember setting off for the Mist Dragon's cave with Elon taking Kain's position, but I also remember forming a party with everyone and travelling to a dungeon in the other side of things. After some flak-wanting transition, I ended up focusing on the multiplayer.

Battles were both random and touch-an-enemy style; stronger enemies appeared on-screen, but we were all level 1 so we avoided them. We actually made it to the end of the dungeon--if anyone remembers Drakhan on the Super Nintendo, it felt like that--and were met by seven dragons protecting four treasure chests. I wanted to engage them.

Sadly, Elon, the white mage, ran. With no healer, Seth, Kevin, and Frigo followed back to the hub. Thus, I engaged one of the dragons on my own, and entered an instanced-screen of turn-based battle against two medusa heads and a wraith (obviously). I must have been a paladin, because I wasn't any normal sort of mage, but I was able to cast Small (at level 1) on the wraith. Unlike most Final Fantasy battle systems, my own status-effect spell worked.

However, the medusa-heads crushed me in the subsequent 2 turns. I died, but resurrected (with 1hp) right outside where I engaged the creatures. As I made my way back to the hub, my former part met me half-way through the dungeon--apparently there was this amazing feature unlike anything in any kind of game back in the hub. In a corner, there was a machine that allowed a character to keep a unique quest journal, written by his or her self.

The sequence for starting the journal was extremely elaborate--my character turned into an olive-green frog, jumped on top of the machine, pushed a lever, and entered a portal. Therein, the computer-controlled frog swam across a lake to a circular island with a hut. Inside was a sage. And then I woke up.

I suppose that posting infrequently, but fully, is better than my usual summer style, where I would post three or four lines documenting what game I played all day with no critical thinking whatsoever. The occasional post of length was like this--dream documentation.

I like dreams.

Friday, May 20, 2005

hello again

This time last week, I was recovering from the pillows concert. Instead of rockin' the usual summer laziness, I worked downtown from 8 til 5:30... data entry... x##### click click select ctrl+c click ctrl+v click click click click tab shift-tab repeat, about 3000 times. At least I'm getting free lunches...

I'd be writing more, but this is the first time I am facing direct assault by the corporate machine I've been avoiding all my life. Earlier in the week I slept in preparation, and this was not enough--I only worked two days this week, and I came home absolutely exhausted this evening--exhausted from an absolute lack of variation. That the most efficient way of copying a project from one database to another requires both mouse and keyboard means there is no room for me to actively multitask. And efficient is what I am trying to prove--that I can complete my task excelled far beyond any 30-something degree-holding data-entrist so I won't have to suffer as long while "building my resume."

Fortunately, now that I am at home, I am in a location where I can play console RPGs in peace--no worry of roommates coming in and out fourteen times over the course of a session, always working against the magic charm of immersion the better titles can produce.

... my ACen 2k5 post-mortem has been half-way drafted since Wednesday.

yeah, I should get back into the habit of this thing.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Anime Central 2005 post-mortem

For once, I was able to wonder at acen. Wonder, specifically, if any of the strangest strangers I won't find anywhere else might include one or two people bound to propel me towards my destined throne.

Especially one girl on an elevator. It's a shame that we were going up, or I might have tried making a new friend, instead of just testing my violent-mindedness against her--and she even passed at that last second. I forgot the fragment of name I tried comitting to memory from her con badge, but this is one I'll drop everything to say hello to if I see her in the real world.

Anime Central isn't the real world, not by a long shot. There are tangents that drive small groups, sections here and there, that serve as consistent passageways back to reality, but if you stay focused then it is impossibly positive. Even with the average magnitude of person, the superficial railings fail to disgust me beyond any value of significance. ACen is Heaven on Earth for my kind, even when one comes face to face with old demons.

Phobia Press, (full) website pending, sold its first copies of anything ever. In total, we sold nearly twenty items, covering printing costs and generally allowing us to have broken even with badge/table prices. Many costumers were memerable--some women who denied their own laughter, prompting "Sign #2," "We make people laugh and whores smile." Apparently we also depressed one fellow... he walked away from our table looking ready to cry. Perhaps we reminded him of a lost childhood, playing with every tool at our disposal to increase sales and generally steal peoples' attention.

I arrived at the convention this year with only one hour of sleep because of Phobia Press. The friend who promised to finish digital design aspects dropped the ball thirteen times since he took his job back in January, and I had to do last minute editing myself--we finished around 6am, and we left at 8:30am. This meant I took position on a hard hotel-room floor to sleep a little earlier than usual; probably 2am.

But it is questionable whether I would have lasted longer even with a decent night's sleep beforehand. the pillows are known in many circles as one of the best live rock acts in Japan for good reason--they know, for sure, how to rock. We showed them that American audiences know how to rock back, keeping a medium mosh pit going in the center of the crowd for more than half their set (having been deliberately instructed that all such antisocial circles would be broken up immediately by security). Elon, the boy who dropped the ball whatwith our comic, crowd-surfed for well over a minute. Me, I moved to the rhythm and danced to the beat harder than I ever have before--I left the room, ears ringing and body drenched in sweat, with a peaceful smile I likely haven't shown in almost a year. Or, to be fair, since Tantalus Theatre's Ragnarok.

Highlights of their set include Crazy Sunshine, Blues Drive Monster, Instant Music, Terminal Heaven's Rock, Ride on Shooting Star, Hybrid Rainbow, Last Dinosaur, and the very best possible choice for an encore--Advice. I would have enjoyed hearing Good Dreams, Biscuit Hammer, Killing Field, or Runners High, but I don't think the show could have been any bit much better than it was, because it /was/ perfect, even with some favorites left out.

I took a quick shower and spent $85 on pillows merchandise, having the band sign a copy of their first American-released album, Penalty Life. Iron Guest, which ran at 2pm on Friday, was about the only other thing I saw that day, and it was, as always, an exciting staple of the convention. The picture of the bar-maid won.

Saturday felt a little different than usual. I think it was the absense of a second Iron Guest show, as well as spending a little more than two hours behind an Artist Alley table, that accounts for the change. I decided to join my friend Jordan for the end of Anime Price is Right, and then caught an hour of retro-game AMVs before finding myself at the back of a filled-beyond-capacity panel called, "RPGs beyond Final Fantasy."

This was a standing-room-only panel if you happened to get in the door within 3 minutes of its posted starting time--luckily, I snagged one of the last spots in the back corner. The room packed as it was, there were likely 65 people--and the panel focused (and it was more exciting than it will probably come off as in writing) on everyone in the room trying to stump everyone else with their digital-RPG knowledge. The paradoxical outcome was that very few of us left with more knowledge than we came in with, aside from knowing that our kind does exist among the masses outside ourselves.

Because it is still difficult to find a person that can be defined as more than a "casual gamer." Among the upper-echelons of gaming, Adventure and RPGamers seem to be even more rare, especially when travelling beyond the top-sellers like Square's Final Fantasy series. We occasionally find each other online, especially through sites like www.rpgamer.com and www.rpgamers.net, but almost never do we pass people with similar gaming experience in the real world. Thus, in short, the panel was a success.

Most of the rest of Saturday was spent in the Convention Hall, mostly having fun with potential customers behind our table.

Mr. Christian, a gracious member of my former-highschool's faculty who served as our anime club sponsor, treated our group of 14 to pizza while the Masquerade began. There has been rumor that this year's Masquerade was exceptional, but I haven't been back since my second year--that was a disappointing show, and we missed a lot elsewise. This year half my group entered the Smash Brothers Melee tournament in the gaming room, and the rest of us cheered them through most of it. I practiced some Puzzle Fighter.

And then I wandered off to try and see Vic Mignolia's "Fullmetal Fantasy" film. It was a live-action take on what might happen if a real-world voice actor became the character he portrays. It was fun.

A staff member handed me a raffle ticket, so I stayed in the room and watched two episodes of Burst Angel and one innuendo-filled episode of Gunslinger Girls. My raffle ticket failed me.

Tired, I proceeded back to the hotel room where I yelled at members from a different ACen group from the area getting drunk. We watched Six-string Samurai and Hakaider before turning in, and Sunday...

well, I lost the Puzzle Fighter tournament. If I had chose a better character and been a little less cocky, I would have easily won, but I suppose there was a lesson to be learned, and learn it I did.

If it isn't readily apparent, I am tiring of adding to this post... now a number of weeks after the event. It was a good year. The pillows concert was by far the best single ACen event I have attended, but some other parts were lacking, and it was irritating to lose the Puzzle Fighter trophy.

This goes up June 2nd at 7pm.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Eviscerance

acen whatnot begins tomorrow

after it is over, maybe I'll finally be up to start posting regularly again, being home and all...

maximum stress, with a grenade to keep on thinking about; something that's been in my hands for just about a full week now.

yep, i get to play with explosives.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Shirking responsibility?

Test 1: Philosophy 101, 10:00-11:50AM tomorrow
Test 2: Statistics 208, 4:00-5:50PM tomorrow

Studying done: NONE. as of Monday, 1:45PM. hah.

Instead, worrying my ears off about making an Artist Alley table at this year's Anime Central convention work. Still don't have the final confirmation on the table after 2 emails that got through and 2 (with the real info on my end) that apparently got lost, and the comic my friends and I came up with still hasn't been printed. The good things get to be the most stressful, eh?

In an odd appreciation, I am listening to bootleg recordings of live Syrup16g shows to hype myself up for a live pillows concert Friday evening. Japanese for Japan or something. After this, I've only to secure a time device so I can see a live Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her gig, followed by a Supercar concert, then maybe Do As Infinity when Dai-sama was still rockin' on stage, and of course Syrup16g. Then my Japanese interests will be complete--well, I'll also need to see Ping Pong on the silver screen.

Kami no Karma live... life is delicious.

Even with the sours of finals and not getting out of college-land for the summer until Thursday morning, a day later than I had initially hoped. I actually have a month-long job lined up for me, working under my dad doing some data entry in Chicago. Will be the first paying job I'll be proud to put on any sort of resume. Walk softly and carry a big stick...

Hopefully everything core-English class final project related is good to go, so to speak (colloquial colloquial).

Tensai live... life is kinky delicious.

And even amidst such tremendous stress, life is looking up. Maybe it really is Ragnarok.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Explosion!

I finished King's Field 2 about five minutes ago. I finished my English final work/project/whatnot about 21 hours ago. All that is left before Anime Central is studying Philosophy, then Statistics, then taking two tests this Tuesday.

Three classes this semester, I am hoping to pull off a 3.66--a B in Philosophy, and A's in English and Statistics. I'd hope for a solid 4 between the nine credit hours, but I got my second Philosophy paper back on Thursday: 81%. Balancing everything in that class, I think I need an 88% on the final to recieve a low A. It is doable, very much so, but I probably won't feel like studying tomorrow or the day after.

Crazy dreaming has continued. This morning the experience felt a lot like being a part of a King's Field game, aside from one little divergent thread that was all so very strange--two inhuman (in an ethereal sort of way) girls falling in love with each other as part of a twist on some 30-minute network television drama. And then they started taking over the real world...

There was a circus tent, though very dark-hued. There was a cliff face and I carried a sword following three companions.

When I get home, some time during this coming Wednesday, then it will all be ready. I have a movie to finish editing, a movie to help film, a story to start writing, and a comic to start writing/drawing. Oh, and the group still needs to finish King's Field 1 and 4.

And I'll be coming home to a copy of Laser Squad Nemesis that my brother picked up for me seeing as DeKalb is the only populous between two Illinois area codes that failed to show a store having a copy two weeks ago.

Terminal Heaven's Rock.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

"...ran at me with a combat knife. I ran to meet her with my... nail clippers..."

My posting has been so infrequent, I finally think I've found, because I don't want to write these last 10 or so pages of content. After I am done with these 10 or so pages, I have but two tests to consider, and then I am left DeKalb for almost four months.

I've been dreaming vividly since I handed in my final PHIL101 paper on Thursday. Earlier dreams have completely faded, and I should have transcribed them those mornings I now realize, but some still remain.

Thinking hard, now, I realize all but the two from last night have left me--and I am sure there were two the night before. It is unfortunate I lost them, I think, as I remember awaking pleasant... ah, now I remember one from the other night.

Oddly enough, a scene from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is strangely similar to what I remember from this dream, even though I saw said film after said dream. There was a young child with a strong resemblance to Gary Coleman. He was an extremely talented LEGO builder. In fact, he was one of the few recipients of the prized LEGO plant: his home had a greenhouse in which these plants grew, producing a rainbow litany of colored LEGO bricks, of all shapes and sizes, all varieties.

He build a replica of the dinobot baby from Transformers--the one that I don't think exists. It was kind of egg-like. This led to him being invited, along with his mother, to appear on a game show. Obviously, the game show hosts were evil bastards, and they put the kid's mother in the teapot of doom--only if he won the game would she survive. Or, I guess, he could try what he did, and use the laser pistol they gave him against the hosts and save his mom himself, which worked surprisingly well.

Dream two started with an invitation--either to a general party held in a classy mexican restaurant akin to a fish-and-chips place I've been to in Toronto, or to a high-school reunion in the same location. Cast was mostly standard, plot saw me philosophizing against my high-school love interest, myself so immensely disappointed with her companion and subsequent (standard) adventures than other woefulness.

Dream three is probably as close to a standard nightmare as I have come in a very long while. The scenario depresses me at the unfairness of it all, though it has done little in actually scaring me.

It ended up, through early dream sequencing or elsewise, that there were two parties--or, perhaps more aptly, squadrons. I lead one, and the other was a nameless entourage of slightly-familiar faces. In effect, all of my cohorts were nameless, all slightly resembling people I care about in one way or another.

We didn't split up until later, though, and we began by exiting a forest at night directly into a residential suburban backyard. The tone of the colors, and the lack of moonlight gave some indication that this was not something I was in control of--we were all on full-alert, prepared to fight something. Some of us had minor weapons, but not all of us.

We broke into the house. I told two women to gather some supplies from a toolshed. We were expecting company. When the women returned, sadly with only but a spindle of steel wire and a box of nail-clippers, was when our groups split up. Mine stood in a kitchen of sorts, and those of us five who had weapons gave ours to the other five--they would make their way to the front of the house. We began cutting the steel wire into small sections, as make-shift spikes, and each of us equipped a nail clippers, folding out the half-inch "blades."

Gunfire, shouting, bodies hitting the floor. I never saw exactly what happened to the other group, but had a stomach-churning sensation that, yes, all of them were dead--especially her, the most familiar looking one. In the seconds before our attackers burst through a shutter-door into the kitchen, I wondered why I didn't make her stay with my group.

But burst through they did--Goth-dressed teens, from the looks. Black leather, albino skin (possibly make-up), black lipstick, short hair... eyeliner... and a seedy kind of cologne/perfume.

I never was able to count just how many there were--four or six, maybe many more, but my group was clearly outmatched. A woman, with a black leather studded collar, ran at me with a combat knife. I ran to meet her with my... nail clippers... and after one swipe knew precisely how outmatched we were.

So I gave an order to fall back and we ended up in a garage. By now, only three of us were still standing. Maybe I had lost an arm, too, or maybe it was the guy next to me. They had guns and real blades, we had wire and nail clippers. In the garage, we found make-shift throwing-kinves (tools that kind of worked that way) and one sharpened steel rod, but it was still nothing to counter gunners with.

I probably died. I was so disappointed by then, though, that I woke up, and started rethinking the dream--I gave my companions better weapons, for one.

Monday and Tuesday will be busy, and perhaps Wednesday morning will be as well. There are many things I mean to start doing as soon as the semester finally ends. At the rate I've been playing it, I will have finished King's Field 2 by then, and maybe Valkyrie Profile as well (if things slow down again next weekend).

Rites and such. Lots of thinking about Iceland. I very much want to study in Reykjavik a year or two, or perhaps three, from now.